Being honest sounds easier than it really is. What comes more natural than just being honest how you think and feel.
Honest is the best policy, after all.
When I am honest, most of the time, it doesn’t feel right. Or I don’t feel good about it.
Something just feels off. If I was too soft spoken than I get ignored. I don’t blame people for this by the way. You can’t. It’s not their fault that they literally didn’t hear you.
“Hey, did anyone hear what he said? No, me neither.”
Or, I am too strong and come across overly aggressive.
More and more infrequently, it feels like there is less and less middle ground than I am able to navigate.
I know that’s not true, because this is something of my own making. It’s up to me to build the middle ground and reinforce it against the extremes on either side of it.
It is there, I’m capable of reaching it. I have communicated exactly what I meant and I didn’t walk away thinking “What the fuck dude…”
It was, for me, absolutely perfect. Not too strong, not too weak…it was just right.
My problem right now, is that it feels like capturing lightning in a bottle.
This isn’t something that I can very easily replicate. I’d like to, so I can practice it and get more repetitions in to build and reinforce that middle ground.
Where I can’t really make a plan to reproduce this exaclty. I can position myself to recognize it when it does happen.
Like I have to recognize those triggers that pop up when I’m in a conflict and my reaction is to quiet. I’ll have to be mindful of what’s going on, internally, when things are going well.