Site icon Taking the long way (often and frequently, not by choice)

An Aversion to Conflict-Confronted

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I have a massive aversion to conflict and avoid confrontation like it’s my job. I don’t want to be like that anymore, here is what I’m doing about it.

I’ve been searching for the right topic to base a series on my blog. I finally stumbled across it while I was writing my journal this (yesterday by the time you read this) morning.

Today I am going to introduce you to the problem and why I want to part ways and create a new habit for it. Tomorrow, I’ll detail my plan for getting me to my goal. And finally, on Friday, I’ll demonstrate some of the things I’ve done this week that brought me closer to achieving my goal, the homework for my assignment.

Spencer’s my name and aversion to conflict is my game.

My wife hates it. I hates it. I know that everyone that’s been on the receiving end of it doesn’t enjoy it.

I seriously admire my wife for just saying what she thinks and talking about she feels. Sure, she is incredibly articulate and a genius. Nonetheless, it’s something that I deeply admire about her. How pathetic is that?

Whats more, is that it’s something that I should have no problem doing for myself. I cannot for the life of me recognize those moments for myself.

A major source of the problem is that when I notice something that bothers me I immediately I put these issues on a pedestal. And rather than deal with them and talk about them, I let them sit and fester.

Something as inconsequential as cleaning up in the kitchen or rinsing dishes before putting them in the dishwasher will bug me. It’ll bother me and I will let it ruin my morning, afternoon, evening, or entire damn day.

Wouldn’t it be nice to just say something in that moment?

“Hey I noticed that you left a lot of your dishes and trash out in the kitchen. Would you mind taking care of that stuff when you have 5 extra minutes?”

Unfortunately I don’t do that. So that, eventually, something later down the line triggering the pent up anger and frustration that never got resolved.

My goal is to speak my mind and not be oppressive about that. Just say what I think and how I feel in a way that is better received.

I do understand that I can only control myself and how I address these things. I can’t control how people respond.

My problem is that when I do say something, those words come out in an aggressive way that doesn’t garner a very favorable response.

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